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The Italian Job (2003): An Unhelpful Review

Writer's picture: Amanda KelnerAmanda Kelner

Another Psych installment, and the last of our heist movies for now! We're rounding out this run of heist movies with The Italian Job, the 2003 version. I've never seen the original and from what I can tell, it did not get good reviews, so maybe I'm not missing out on anything. 


I also hadn’t seen the 2003 version when it came out, but I remember it being a big deal. I would have been 10 at the time and I probably saw a different movie that weekend. And I think I probably appreciated it more as an adult. But I don’t want to give away too much! So let’s dive in!


Briefly, and Without Spoilers

A team of professional thieves plans a goodbye heist in Italy for their patriarch, John Bridger (Donald Sutherland) when one of their own betrays them. Years later, Charlie Croker (Mark Wahlberg) hatches a plan to get revenge with one last job in Los Angeles. 


The Mini Cooper Ad (Spoilers Ahead!!!)

Let’s start by saying that if you’re looking for a fun heist movie, this is a good bet. There are some serious moments, but it ticks all the necessary boxes and I genuinely had a good time watching it. It was a classic heist movie with classic heist elements. An outrageously complicated heist, an aloof main character, a second outrageously complicated heist, a badass female lead, car chases, and a sleazy bad guy who gets his comeuppance. If I was an American sick of the war in Afghanistan, I’d go see this movie.



There was also the right amount of silly. Like the mini cooper ad portion of the movie is the definition of silly cinema, but in a good way. It was fun and whimsical but it still made sense within the context of the story. And sure, it was an obvious plug, but there are certainly far worse ways to work in advertisers. 


Some of the characters were a little forgettable. I know because I watched this movie weeks ago and there are some characters I’ve fully forgotten. I forgot Seth Green was in this until I saw him on the iMDb page. And I kind of forgot about Jason Statham. They occupied very tropey roles from what I do recall, so whatever. I don’t think they had moments of significance. Or maybe Statham had a moment? I don’t remember.


One thing I do remember is that I don’t think Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron kissed in this movie? Did I miss it? I didn’t realize it until the very end when they were on that boat and they did the friendship side hug even though I’m pretty sure they said they started dating or whatever. And they hugged when Edward Norton was arrested or whatever. A lot of hugging but no kissing. Seems like a choice? They didn’t have a ton of chemistry anyway. More like coworker energy. They probably should have stuck with that.


God Bless Mark Wahlberg Crying

I mean…I can’t. I just…Did we all see that? Did we all see Mark Wahlberg crying? Right at the beginning when Donald Sutherland dies and Charlie is sad or whatever and Mark Wahlberg starts crying. I don’t want to spend too much time shitting on this, but has the man never seen another person cry? 


I know it was supposed to be a serious moment and very poignant, but that was not an Oscar-worthy moment. It’s one of those moments where you know someone behind the camera said many times, “Looks great, Mark. Let’s do it again.” Repeatedly. There were several takes of that. Mark, if you’re reading this, I mean no malice. But it was not awesome. And that’s okay. We all have our strengths. I’m not a big crier either. I probably would also struggle. 


The Heist Movie Hall of Fame Ranking

I don’t know how this happened, but I guess we’re ranking heist movies. I don’t think Italian Job beats Ocean's 11, but I’m going to put it above Thomas Crown Affair. None of these movies were bad. But I like the heist part of heist movies and I think Thomas Crown was definitely more of a love story. 


And I think Ocean’s 11 is the definitive heist movie of the early 2000s. Culturally, artistically, you can’t do much better. But The Italian Job was very good. And, from what I understand, shows up its source material quite a bit. I may watch the old one at some point just to see what everyone’s talking about, but if the old Italian Job was sub-par, then this rendition easily surpasses that. 


It’s definitely a fun Friday night kind of movie and I highly recommend if you’re looking for a heist movie. 

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